WTG 2011Talet.

Detta talet höll jag i Domkyrkan i Göteborg 110619. To stand here today and share this moment with you is an honor for my family and me. This is a day for joy and also a day for reflection. When I look around me, here today, I see lots of people. People who coming from different countries, people who are coming from different continents, but we have one thing in common, we have made the same journey. Although each journey has its own unique path, we've all gone through life's battles and we are all winners everyone. It's remarkable! My name is Monika I am 47 years old I am a woman, mother, wife, and also a kidney donor. Today I live with one kidney, having given the other kidney to my husband. When I was asked if I wanted to stand here and tell you what it is to be a donor, I did not hesitate. For me it is a matter of importance and an honor to be the highlight of such a large and essential thing that donation is. But then, when I sat down to write this speech, it immediately became much more difficult. How could I adequately describe what it means to be an organ donor? How could I possibly describe something that was simultaneously the most self-evident and destined-to-be event, yet also the simplest, purist, and most undramatic of events, while expressing the weight of my message? After considering it for a long time, I realized the story of my organ donation was still a personal reflection of a journey that we all accomplished. I would like to divide life into two parts: life before and life after. I think that when you have finally decided to donate, for the right reasons, then it's not about fear for your own sake, but about the fear that no one matches. The 25th of February 2009, was a big day for my family and me , it was the day when my husband returned back to life after being out on life's narrowest limb. Although we knew that my husband had an illness that ultimately led to the transplant, the events leading up to it came very dramatically and rapidly towards the end. To live with a man who is connected every other day to a machine that sustains his life by clearing the body from its own toxins is painful to watch. During that time I became his spokesperson because he was completely drained of all strength. I was in charge of everything, checked his health. Slowly, I took over all his responsibilities. Then came the day when I myself would go to the hospital, my husband was already in place since the day before, and I would be registered. Then came the fears, what if they found anything in the last minute, which meant I could not become a donor. However, once I got to the hospital, there was only one thing that was important, and that was that our journey would soon reach an end, finally. I took some pictures of my husband the day before and the day after surgery, and to look at these pictures, is a fantastic experience, a confirmation of how great the new kidney was working. The day after the donation, life had returned back to my husband. It shows clearly that this journey was his best game with a victorious end. I consider myself privileged to be part of this miracle. The question is. What is it like to be living donor? Again, I repeat, to make such a trip as we have done is huge. I am often asked, were you ever afraid? On that, I can say in all honesty, no, I was never afraid for my own sake, but I was dreadfully afraid that my husband would not be able to stay alive until the donation My fear was, that at the last minute, they would find something that would make it impossible to make the donation I had also decided, IF my husband and I were not matches, then I wanted to do a cross donation ... So confident was I in my desire to do so. Immediately after the donation, it was horrible, I remember I was so sickly and tired, I literally could stand and sleep, I have never ever been so tired. I did not know you could be so tired. This experience brought out sides of me I have never seen or experienced before. One side of me was tireless, it was the side that was constantly watching over my husband, who would constantly check on him, as if expecting that there was always something wrong. The other side felt relief, like everything was released because the donation was over. I was relieved & then came my reaction of wanting to be in control. I had lived so long in a constant struggle against life's clock, so when I suddenly could take a few deep breaths and start breathing then came the reaction of needing constant control to ensure nothing went wrong. My husband and I have always had a special bond. and I remember one summer evening after our donation when as usual I started to see if medications were taken, if blood pressure was ok, when my wise and beloved husband sat me down and held me and said. -Darling, I know how you worry. I've seen how you have fought all alone because I was so sick that I could not help you, and I am so thankful for you without you I do not know what would have happened, but now it's time that you let me be a grown man, and let me get to know my new body. Then something burst it to me, I cried and was so frightened that he might miss something important, but I had to give my husband the recognition that every adult has the right to take their own responsibility. After that night, it was as if something eased in me, everything became so much calmer. Today, two years and four months later, we live a pretty normal life, but I have completely different values. I take nothing for granted, my husband goes to regular check-ups every third month... I do have to admit though, every time he takes control of medical matters I still worry because I have become aware of life's fragility. Today I have a tremendous quality of life, I live an honest life and I live fully. I've learned to know my strengths and weaknesses. I have a philosophy of life now. After donation, life is so real to me. I think we humans are often fumbling our way in life. Life itself provides only one warranty and it is, from the moment you are born, you start your unique journey, and the only thing that journey can guarantee you, is that time is ticking and this movement will eventually be over. We do not know when it stops. Our time here is so short, and during this short time that I have been here, I have lived fully. Let us hope that research can make significant progress that allows people to avoid waiting for organs. Let us give a thought to all those who are waiting for an organ let us hope they may soon be with us. When you have gotten to be part of such a transformative journey, Life looks totally different after that. Being my husband's donor was for me obvious, I have never hesitated, and I would gladly do it again without hesitation….. But my kidney would not.^^ I was never afraid for my own health's sake, but it has hung like a shadow over me, I was fearful that I, for various reasons, would not be able to give my husband a kidney, which he so badly needed in order to be with us in this life . Let us hope and pray that more people would bee abel too give.